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Is your Lover a Narcissist? Tips from Ingrid Levin

NYC based former model, Ingrid Levin gives her thoughts and advice on love, sex, luxury life/travel, beauty and technology on her eponymous website Ingrid Madison Ave.  In this guest post she gives advice on clues to look for if you’re dating a narcissist:

Look out for these poisonous behaviors:

They will not apologize. A narcissist turns the table on you when a dispute occurs. They deflect, filter, and project rather than wave the white flag and apologize for their bad behavior.

They go from zero to one hundred,” real quick.” The level of anger, foul mouth, and disrespect toward others holds no bounds. They will publicly bully, yell, demean, and scream at other people including you. You will find yourself walking on eggshells and telling lies to avoid a full-on fight.

They are self-interested. A narcissist will only do an act of kindness if it gets them a love interest or anything that will benefit them and boost their ego.

They continuously put people down with a heavy dose of judgement. They build themselves up with a false sense of superiority so they can place blame, shame, and use sarcasm toward others to make them feel inferior. They point the finger at you for any flaws as this is their manipulation playbook of choice.

Stories of former lovers. Narcissists have a grandiose idea of themselves, which simultaneously conceals their low self-esteem. They will bore you with stories of their past lovers and how “hot” they looked, or embellish their ex’s appearance as if they were dating a Victoria Secret model.

They live in a world of me, not we. The narcissist’s lack of compassion and empathy shows that they are not ‘with’ you at all. Without these feelings, a narcissist remains more or less living on an island of their own. You never feel that you are a spiritually connected couple.

You are their rebound. After a breakup or divorce, a narcissist swiftly seeks out companionship to avoid pain and loneliness. Once they feel healed, they will break up with you.

Their social friends are all fakes. Since a narcissist is shallow, they tend to attract fake friends. They interact with people they think are gifted and unique as they cannot bond beyond a superficial level.

They use you as their sex toy. A narcissist does not treat you well once their sexual needs are satisfied. They disconnect emotionally (if not physically) as soon as the sexual need is met, leaving a kind soul feeling alone and empty.

Unable to commit. When a couple is trying to determine their status, a narcissist won’t commit because they want to keep their options open. The narcissist, consciously or subconsciously thinks you’re not “the one,” but a backup or a stopgap.

Should you find yourself involved with this kind of person, sprint as soon as possible because there is no winning with this type of individual. It’s a carousel of misery.

(Image/Art by Alex Gardner @artposer)

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